THE OLD MAN’S CORNER: The Road Ahead of Me
Written by: E.L. Winston
Happy New Year, peeps! I hope that your holidays were filled with love and comfort and all the things you wanted and needed. My new year is starting off a bit stressful but exciting at the same time. See, I have this tumor in my left thigh. It’s been there for at least 9 years now. Yes, I said 9 years.
Let me explain…it started out as a lump no bigger than a baseball. I went to the doctor and the doctor said that it’s because I need to lose weight. That’s all he said. He didn't run any tests, didn't look any further… fast forward a year or two from that visit and I start a new position at work that requires me to get in and out of semi trucks all day. On my first day on the job, my leg swells up to the size of a softball. I go back to the doctor and he says, “Oh no you have lymphedema. You're going to need this reduction kit and have to wear it constantly to get the fluid off your leg.” Again, he didn't do any tests, didn't do anything further and still says that weight is a factor. Needless to say the kit never worked. So here we are. Let me tell you what the cause of my tumor was not. It was not my weight or lymphedema and had the doctor taken the time to listen to me then what would have been a simple procedure Is now a major surgery. The mass is now the entire length of my thigh and I’ll be laid up at home for the entire month of February.
I say all of that to say this… I did not advocate for myself as I should have. I knew there was something going on in my body that wasn't right, that didn't have anything to do with me being overweight. My family has a history of cancer, my twin especially and the doctor never went over my family history or looked into what other possible issues could be going on. He just labeled me ‘fat’ and said that I’d die if I didn't lose weight. Mind you, he also didn’t give me any resources to help in that regard either.
One of the most amazing things has come out of my transition is that I learned to stand up for myself and to speak loud the things I need. I don't allow people to dismiss my thoughts or concerns anymore because in this walk I've come too far to be silent. As a Black Trans man in the South, my silence would cost me more than my speaking ever would. To be free is to never allow them to cage your mind and spirit.
My recovery time for this surgery will be a long one but it will also give me some time to work on some projects that I just seem to never have time to finish, time to get some real rest and time to continue my health journey. Crucial as well, there will be time to work on our next moves in this thing called resistance. I'll have time to read more awesome books and create content for y’all, have more Book Therapy and maybe some Conversations with an Old Man. I’m looking forward to showing you guys the road ahead of me, not just my physical journey but the continuing journey of my ever growing internal being. He’s turning out to be one heck of a guy. Do an old man a favor, give yourself grace for the things you allowed and celebrate yourself for the things you no longer allow. We all have a road ahead of us, I pray we all make it to our next destination wiser, kinder and stronger than when we started.