Titty Confessions: Feast of the Unholy Massacre

By Victoria Von Blaque

On the last Thursday of the month, many Americans take part in the time-honored tradition of reflecting on the arrival of the pilgrims. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more determined to ensure that we don’t forget the darker side of this history. While I certainly appreciate the day off work and the delicious food prepared, I recognize that this day often glorifies a tragedy that should never have occurred—especially when it’s celebrated with a dry turkey that clearly was not brined!

Fortunately, I get to spend this day with like-minded individuals who understand the true significance of the occasion. We come together intentionally, cherishing the time with our loved ones over incredible food.

I feel grateful to see my queer family grow a little more each year, especially after the elections have shaken our community. This gathering feels particularly important right now. I want to express my appreciation for my siblings—Orlando, Isabella, Mateo, Kahmia, Tramaine, Preston, Linda—and all their wonderful partners. And a special shoutout to His Royal Highness, Prince Poe Edgar the First, for helping me keep my mental health in check.

So, the next time someone with a lack of melanin wishes you a "Happy Thanksgiving," feel free to respond with, "I hope you enjoy your Colonizer Feast of the Unholy Massacre. May the souls of those pilgrims roast eternally in the fires of hell, while the Indigenous spirits dance upon their ashes and feast upon their flesh."